Word: Honesty

Words are sacred and holy. Words are one of God's ways to gently prick our hearts and trickle light and healing into every corner of our hearts. Each day I choose one word to represent my intention for that day. Over the past year, this practice has brought amazing focus to my life. 

I have a need to push aside the curtain of denial and use honesty to face my reality, a little at a time.

As Ken grocery shops at Piggly Wiggly, I sit in the car and wait, too tired to join him. Ken left the car running to keep me warm. After five minutes, I turned the car off so I wouldn't waste gas. As I continue to wait, the car begins to get cold and the clock seems to slow. Here I sit, unable to do something as simple as restart the car, then wonder if I will ever drive again. That seems like a bitter thought, but I feel emotionless about it right now.

While I wait, I evaluate each person I see and compare my longevity to theirs. I watch all the busy people coming and going in their cars, enjoying things while striving to stay alive. This is as it should be; life is meant to be enjoyed. That older man, buying two cases of Coke, has lived longer than I have. That lady is about the same age as me, and that stern-looking woman is a little older. 

A little boy riding in a shopping cart delights in the flash of tail lights on the car. His young mother gets to enjoy all the coming years of being a mom, the years I cherish so much in my life. By her reaction to his little star-hand reaching out, I can tell she is on track for many happy days to come. I hope I get to see my daughter's children. She's going to be an amazing mother.

Then I see my dear friend dropping off a package at the UPS Store, probably for her son who is now at Fort Benning. His Turning Blue ceremony is this week, having completed the Advanced Infantry Training. He's dating a gem of a girl from high school, a girl I've adored for many years. I'm so happy for them. I wonder if I'll make it to his wedding some day. 

Though all this feels a little bleak and gray, my intention is to be honest today. Here's the bitter truth. As I watch, I peacefully accept that I've had 58 blessed years on God's green earth and I will not be growing old here. Yet, I feel so young and full of life, with no concern of what the mirror says. Besides, as everyone knows, I have many pranks yet to bless others with. That's the bitter truth, and to be honest, that's what is sweet.