Happy birthday dear Judy

This day should be my sister Judy's 65th birthday. This day, there is love and there is loss. I want to see Judy’s birthday wish list on her fridge. I want to see her quirky broken fingers. I want to hear what kind of cake she is having. I don’t want to feel the loss.

We celebrate Judy on her birthday, wherever we are in the country, with a newly created tradition to howl at the moon at 8:00 pm, Omro time. I hope my inner being doesn’t rip to pieces as I howl on my front porch and feel the pain and loss of my beautiful sister, but I will choose to trust God.

As I sit in my front-row seat, I watch God’s orchestration and know that in the musical score, accidentals are not. He conducts the masterpiece of the ages that tie all of us together in the experience of life. I embrace this part of the piece, though it is bitter, and I feel smad. I want another birthday with Judy, and I want another year to make sure her birthday doesn’t get lost in the Christmas rush.

Let me give you a little background about Judy's personal story of faith in Christ. Judy was pretty private, so I wonder how many people she has shared this with. If it weren't for our annual Ladies Retreats and weekends away, I probably never would have even asked her.

As children, our parents faithfully traipsed the six of us to church every week. Here, surrounded by loving volunteer teachers and lively kids praise songs, we learned about God, the Creator of heaven and earth. Judy told me that in a little Sunday school classroom she heard the story of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins and personally owned up that she needed a savior. In her pragmatic way, she became a committed believer in her elementary years.

This summer, Judy asked if she and I could start doing a daily devotional together on the YouVersion Bible app because she was really struggling with the pandemic. Over many weeks, and many different studies, she shared some realizations that I want to write about because, although we lost Judy, we can still honor her voice.

In August, as the pain of Judy’s broken vertebra took our attention off of comfort, and increased our attention on the eternal, she wrote: 

"I guess I have been rejected by the world of healthy bodies. Apparently, God needs me to experience that. I tend to put too much importance on my comfort.  For instance, I just had things all set - retired, empty nest, money to travel, house to come home to. I thought I was also serving... Sunday School, Trustees, attending church kids events, helping with grandkids, following up on several people who need support, etc. Apparently, I am not seeing the big picture. God has my attention now!  Lead me through this!”  

As she tried to find some relief from her constant pain with different braces for her spine, she personalized the verse in Deuteronomy leaning into the brace to give her strength and courage.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6

Judy’s cancer diagnosis came in September. As we worked through a devotional about heaven, she had an “aha moment” about how pragmatic she has been. She wrote:

"You know, I cannot remember a time when I did not feel God's love and acceptance.  All the promises and the list of affirmations have always been so obvious to me - like saying the sky is blue.  I have just started to realize that it is not that way for everyone.  So, I have had this amazing gift for decades. Now I am starting to feel like I was supposed to be doing something more with that.    Listening…”

She liked to wait on God and see how He would answer her questions. She was regrettably convinced that she should have used more words to share her faith with her family.

“It’s a bit scary. God has me where he wants me, so I had better get about doing the work I agreed to do!”

I agreed with her. “May God use every bit of your pain to influence others to trust Him more!  In the same way that He has your attention, He has others' attention.  We are all asking questions. May we all find answers that give us eternal hope and peace.”, I said. Little did I know, I too would soon be walking down this same path, and hopefully following her example of accepting God’s plan, with grace.

She realized the simplicity of trusting in Him as she wrote,

“God does not want more from us,  he wants more for us - he wants us to benefit from His presence more.”

When she took her last breath, she was surrounded by family that raised up a cheer as she made her way into the presence of the Lord!

So I wonder, how is it that I made a record of the beautiful thoughts Judy expressed from her heart, saved on a document that I can share, to honor Judy's precious voice. Is that God’s orchestration? What an amazing gift.

Happy birthday dear Judy, happy birthday to you!

Oct 17, 2020 - Lauri, Judy, and Nancy