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| Hiking on Christmas day 2022 in Marshall Gulch on Mt. Lemmon, northeast of Tucson, Arizona |
As 2020 began, a somewhat normal life began to turn upside down and inside out, to say the least. As events unfolded, much of the chaff of life began to burn away, and what remains are the things that truly matter insofar as the degree of heat endured. To say this has been a trying time would hardly convey the magnitude of the inner processes of loss, grief, and personal growth.
From March of 2020 and on, family members Susan (sister), Judy (sister-in-law), Nancy (wife), Doris (mother), Glenn (father-in-law), and Jean (mother-in-law) have passed away. This was preceded by the death of my father, William, in July of 2016. November 25, 2020, Nancy was diagnosed with terminal GBM brain cancer from which she passed June 19, 2021. As high school sweethearts, we were married for 38 years and 15 days. Needless to say, it's been a very difficult time of loss.
As the second anniversary of Nancy's passing nears, much has been learned. The understanding of being human has significantly widened in scope, depth of field, brilliance of color, and sharpness of focus. For many years, I trained other LEO's that you must "divorce yourself from emotion in order to survive". While that may be true as a cop, that is no way to live one's personal life. Thanks be to God for Nancy, that she never left me. And as providence would have it, the meaning of the name Nancy is, "full of grace".
Thank you, my Lord Jesus, for Nancy, a beautiful woman of grace and love that you placed in my life as glimpse of Your grace and love personified as my very best friend ever.
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| Nancy's "favorite place", the beach at our former Oostburg home. It's no wonder this was her favorite place. |
Nancy and I long dreamed of travelling the USA after her anticipated retirement in 2022. We talked about visiting all the National Parks, all of Wisconsin's state parks, and all 50 of these United States. We dreamed of visiting our four children for extended times, from nearby campgrounds, like neighbors, making ourselves available without being a burden to their daily life. Some of those things didn't quite work out the way we planned.
Since then, and over the last two years, I have spent about eleven months travelling and living out of the little Flyer Chase camper we bought after Nancy finished her chemo and radiation. From necessity, many alterations have been made to the camper making it capable of going anywhere for any length of time without the need to plug in to shore power or continuously get ice for a cooler. With a propane stove, 12v refrigerator/freezer, ducted propane heat, 200Ah battery with 200 watt solar, storage space enough for a single guy, and a twin size mattress, it has been a comfortable place to live while doing what Nancy and I desired to do for so long.
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| My first home-away-from-home parked at the RV park near Tucson |
Now approaching the second anniversary of Nancy's passing, another transition is beginning to take place. Having sold our Oostburg home by Lake Michigan in late 2021 and moving to a small condo downtown, locking the door and leaving for extended times without the worry of frozen pipes or plowing snow has been a tremendous blessing. But now it's time to continue with the longer-term desire to travel the country and visit with the kids and grand-kids.
The little camper is being replaced with a larger unit much better suited to for long-term living, a 23' Airstream Flying Cloud. I greatly look forward to "moving in" and getting ready for some near-home adventures to make sure all the bugs are worked out before this coming winter's migration to the southwest again.
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| inside the twin-bed Flying Cloud 23FBT |
Now comes the task of - again - downsizing and reducing "stuff" to only what is needed. This time my approach is from the perspective Nancy and I talked about years ago. Start with nothing, then go "shopping" in my home for what is really needed. The rest is just stuff. I have so many wonderful memories to reminisce, which is far better than a house full of stuff to worry about keeping safe. Living without worry, in the present moment, making new memories with family and friends, and continuing to learn to be content without Nancy, as long as the Lord give me breath. Praise the Lord!
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. -- Philippians 4:4-9
Sometime around September, 2020 this hymn began playing non-stop in my head. No matter what I did, there it was playing over and over again for several months. A few days after we learned of Nancy's brain cancer diagnosis, this hymn and a very peaceful feeling kept pouring over me as the song continued to play. For some reason I told Nancy about it while we were in her ICU hospital room. Nancy asked me how long this has been happening, then she said, "Me too!" We both cried deeply.
Thanks be to our Lord Jesus Christ for his grace and mercy as he was preparing both of us for what was about to unfold. Now I hear these words ring so much more clearly as I read them. I pray that they bless you too.